Pageant/Sports Etiquette = Life Etiquette

I had a lot of comments on last week’s column concerning pageants.
Comments ranged from the fact that so many girls don’t know how to dress appropriately, to teenagers today don’t know how to interact as well because of cell phones and social media, and to the fact that some girls (and parents) don’t know how to act in/during/ after a pageant.
That was when I got the idea for this column.
Last week I enforced the fact of how I believe that pageants are good for young girls. I truly believe that (when handled correctly) pageants can become a true stepping stone for many young girls and women. The Miss Florida America Pageant, alone, gives thousands and thousands of scholarship dollars, each year, to contestants and winners.
The stressed wording here would be “when handled correctly.”
Last week I also spoke of how much I really enjoyed pageants. Pageants were truly my hobby and past-time that I enjoyed. I absolutely loved entering them. Butterflies in the stomach, nerves, curlers, make-up, pretty dresses, the whole nine yards. It was just plain fun.
So, with the comments I received this week – I thought that maybe I would just make this a “Part II” column… how I believe a contestant (and their parents) should act, during and after a pageant.
I mentioned that my parents took me wherever I wanted to enter a pageant. They encouraged me, stood beside me, and loved me, no matter what the outcome. When I walked off the stage (win, lose, or draw), I was hugged, kissed, told “I love you” and “You did great!”
I was always told, “Do your best. That is all that matters.”
Many pageants I won. Many pageants I didn’t. But my reception from my parents was always the same, “You did great. We are proud of you.”
This is the meaning behind this week’s column.
So many times, in pageants, as well as other extracurricular activities, this is not what I see. I see parents push their children so hard that the “sport” is no longer fun. The child is so afraid of messing up and disappointing the parents that their concentration is on that fear, not on having fun. I have listened to parents yell at the children while running up and down the basketball court, and have actually heard parents “boo” other beauty pageant contestants. While director of the Miss Watermelon Pageant, Miss Madison County Pageant, and the Miss NFCC Pageant (a Miss Florida America affiliated pageant) I saw so many parents show their disappointment of “not winning” to their children, that the child was no longer proud of the first runner-up or second runner-up title.
That to me is so self-centered and so un-nurturing.
Of course, when I stepped off a stage without a crown on my head, I felt as if I had let my parents down. Every child feels/will feel like that. It then becomes the job of the parents to take that fear/pain away. God gave you the privilege of becoming a parent. Take that responsibility and bless your children with it.
Win, lose or draw – when your child walks off that stage, or basketball court, or football field - encourage them, love them, no matter what the outcome. Hug them, kiss them, tell them, “I love you,” “You did great,” and “We are so proud of you.” That is what really matters in the end.
When your children are 40 or 50 years old – they will not remember if they won or lost that game to FAMU, or Robert F. Monroe, or even to North Florida Christian. What they will remember is how they felt, and how YOU made them feel.
I am 53 years old, and when I look back on my childhood I have nothing but compliments and loving terms of endearments in my memory banks. I never felt like I couldn’t measure up, and I never felt like I was not good enough. I KNEW my parents were proud of me and I KNEW my parents loved me.
THAT is what is important in your child’s life. Not cell phones, Gaming, and socializing with friends each and every weekend. Love from family members will always be the strongest in their memory banks, as life goes on. Love them no matter what, and teach them to love themselves.
Along with the responsibility of the parent acting correctly, comes the responsibility of the parent teaching the child how to act responsibly. There should be no back-stabbing or hard feelings. Everyone got out there, tried their best, and that is all that matters.
Teach your children that they cannot ALWAYS win EVERYTHING in life. Life is full of hardships and disappointments, along with happiness and enjoyment. How we act – will determine which we have - happiness and enjoyment or disappointment and sadness.
Be proud of who you are and where you are. Teach your children to be proud of who they are, and where they are in God’s love.