I was talking to a teenager the other day, and she was telling me how when she gets in trouble, at home, she gets slapped. I was horrified. I know this seems to be the practice of many households, but yet it still sickens me when I think of a child being slapped in anger and what that does to his/her self-esteem and personality.
Discipline is totally necessary in raising children. I was spanked, and my children were spanked. But slapping a child/teenager in anger is not discipline. It is acting out in anger; one of the things that we teach our children NOT to do.
We teach our children, and/or take them to church to teach them, to act like Jesus, think like Jesus, treat others as Jesus would treat them, not to pick on those less fortunate, and not to pick on or bully those that are younger and smaller than them; but then some of those same children/teenagers go home just to be slapped, in anger, because they are smaller/weaker/younger (or slammed up against walls or pushed around by their fathers).
When a woman is continually slapped, hit or pushed around by her husband, we call it physical abuse. When a 16-year-old hits and pushes an eight-year-old around, he is called a bully. When one teenager hits another teenager in school, he can be suspended for fighting.
Why is it viewed as “different” when a parent slaps their child/teenager in anger?
When a child is spanked for doing something wrong – it is a thought-out process and an explanation should accompany the spanking. A slap in the face is just that – a slap in the face … out of anger.
If a teenager lives with that, they eventually don’t want to go home, for home is no longer their safe haven. They feel as if they are unloved and/or unworthy – after all, isn’t a mother’s and father’s love supposed to be the strongest? If their parents can’t even show unconditional love, then why should they expect it from anyone else?
Growing up, in my parents’ home, a scroll hung in my bedroom (on my closet door) with a nice saying on it. I used to lie in bed and read that scroll many a night as I fell asleep. The older I got, the more I understood what it meant.
I have thought of that scroll, and what those words meant, for many years. The lesson behind these words is astounding!
CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE
If a child lives with criticism,
He learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
He learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
He learns to be shy.
If a child lives with jealousy,
He learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with tolerance,
He learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with praise,
He learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
He learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
He learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
He learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,
He learns to find life in the world.
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