Suicide Prevention – Know the signs

Heather Ainsley
ECB Publishing, Inc.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or is in a mental health crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.com to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You are not alone.
For local Monticello woman, Ann Marie Curry, life overall was very good.
“When I was 16 years old,” begins Curry, “I laid eyes on the most perfect man I had ever met. I was mesmerized, hook, line and sinker. I knew he was the one. We have now been together for almost 24 years, and he is my very best friend. We have two children; a handsome son named Reed, and a beautiful daughter named Keagan. I would have told you I had the perfect life...”
That was until the tragic events of Nov. 19, 2020, when Curry arrived home from work to find the lifeless body of her 15 year old son, Reed. From that moment on, her life was changed forever.
“Shock consumed us for the first few months, then the grief kicked in,” she recalls. “That was the ultimate kick in the gut, knowing that your child is gone and is never coming back. So many 'what ifs,' so many 'whys,' so many 'hows.' We blamed ourselves, and we blamed each other. There were so many emotions.”
Curry admits that, unfortunately, no one in the family had any idea that Reed was struggling with suicidal ideations and says that, to this day, the family still does not fully understand why he chose to take his own life. They can only speculate, and come up with possible assumptions as to what their son had been facing.
“Dennis and I have always talked to our children about being safe on computers, being bullied, being sexually assaulted, driving safely, etc.,” she continued, “but never about suicide, depression or mental health.” She says that the family was a happy one, and even when she went to her first therapy session after Reed's passing, her therapist was surprised at the lack of trauma or family issues surrounding the home before Reed's death.
“Not to say we didn't have our issues,” says Curry, “but nothing that we could put our finger on immediately. My mind was out of control; I couldn't keep my thoughts together, they were all over the place. My emotions were all over the place. I couldn't breathe, it felt like an elephant on my chest.”
Knowing that she had to do something to keep herself busy and occupy her thoughts, Curry began to do some research, looking for the most valuable and best-rated suicide prevention organization in her area to get involved with. She discovered the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), joined it and immediately got to work helping to raise awareness about suicide and suicide prevention.
The AFSP is an organization that was founded in 1987 by a small group of individuals, each of which had personally lost someone to suicide. These founding families joined forces with scientists to create the AFSP with the hopes of establishing a private source of support for suicide research and education, so that essential suicide prevention efforts could be sustained into the future. Before AFSP, there was no national-scope, not-for-profit organization dedicated to understanding or preventing suicide through research, education and advocacy. Today, the AFSP is established in all 50 states, and works diligently to educate hundreds of local communities about suicide and how to prevent it.
The Curry family's experience is a common one; many loved ones of suicide victims say they had no idea their friend or family member was struggling. This leaves the grieving families and friends to undergo the process of searching desperately for answers after a suicide has already taken place. Not only is this heartbreaking process one that is full of speculation and regret, but even in the event of getting a concrete answer, it can never bring back the life of a suicide victim.
Suicide prevention involves recognizing warning signs in those who are struggling with depression, hopelessness and suicidal ideation. By learning to recognize the warning signs, caring individuals can better know how and when to speak to loved ones who may be struggling, and this early intervention can help save lives.
It is important to understand that there is no singular cause for suicide. Suicide and suicidal thoughts occur when stressors and health issues (including but not limited to mental health) converge to create an experience of hopelessness and despair. Suicidal thoughts and actions are often an absolute last resort. Many people struggling with suicidal ideation may not be able to see an end to the emotional or physical turmoil they are experiencing and are seeking relief from their pain or struggle. Many suicidal people may feel afraid or confused by these emotions and may even be overwhelmed or ashamed of their suicidal thoughts. This fear and shame may prevent them from reaching out to people in their lives or from seeking help when they need it the most.
Currently, suicide is among the leading cases of death in America. In 2021, the the age-adjusted suicide rate for males increased by three percent from 2020, the largest increase occurring for those aged 15-24 years old (eight percent). According to the World Health Organization, it is estimated that for every suicide that occurs, there are likely to be 20 other people either making a suicide attempt or struggling with suicidal ideations.
The following are behaviors that may signal that a person is at risk: Increased use of alcohol or drugs, looking for a way to end their lives (such as researching online for methods), withdrawing from activities, isolating from family and friends, sleeping too little or too much, visiting or calling people to say goodbye, giving away prized possessions, aggression or fatigue. Someone who is facing suicidal thoughts or ideations may display the following moods: depression, anxiety, loss of interest, irritability, humiliation, shame, agitation or anger. Often, an individual who has been struggling may also show signs of relief or sudden unexplainable improvement. This is considered a warning sign as well, as it can commonly be an indicator of impending suicidal action. While the signs may be difficult to miss, they also include the way a person speaks, and what they talk about. Warning signs include a person talking about killing themselves, feeling hopeless, having no reason to live, being a burden to others, feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain.
Most people who take their own lives exhibit one or more warning signs, either through what they say, or what they do. If you are concerned about someone, consider having a private, open and honest conversation with them. Be compassionate and direct with them about if they are considering suicide. Avoid getting into debates about the value of life, minimizing their problems or giving advice. Tell them that you care about them, and listen to what they have to say. Encourage them to seek treatment or contact their doctor or therapist. It can be easy to think that someone else is reaching out to them, but the only safe assumption is that you're the only one who will reach out to them. If you are concerned, speak up. If someone says they are considering suicide, take the person seriously. Stay with them and call 988 to be connected with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. After the crisis has passed, be sure to follow up with them to see how they are doing.
For Ann Marie, getting involved with the AFSP helped change her life after the loss of her son. The AFSP regularly organizes and holds what they call Out of the Darkness Walks, which help raise awareness and much-needed funds that aid in suicide prevention outreach. The goal of these community walks is to spread the message that suicide can be preventable and that no one is alone. They also serve to connect individuals with others in their community who have faced the effects of suicide, whether it was by overcoming suicide themselves or losing/supporting a loved one who was affected by it.
After discovering that the AFSP was planning its very first awareness walk in Tallahassee, Curry knew that she had to help. Last November, she served as the co-chair for the Walk for Suicide event held in Tallahassee. Together, she and her family, along with other volunteers with the organization raised almost $20,000, although their initial goal was just $5,000. This year, the Suicide Prevention Walk will take place on Nov. 5 at Tom Brown Park in Tallahassee. Curry will be serving as the Walk Chair, and says that she hopes to start providing more resources for the local Monticello community as well.
“For me, that was the hardest part,” she says about finding local resources following the death of her son. “I had no idea where to start.”
Curry says that through the AFSP, she has big plans for helping local individuals who struggle with suicide, depression and mental health. Part of this goal will be to hold suicide prevention walks at the local schools, which will educate and connect students to the facts surrounding suicide.
“These kids deal with so much more than we did when we were younger,” she says. “They need outlets. We must be there for them, look for the signs, be open to talking and help in any way we can. Therapy is a huge asset as well; there is something called Music Therapy that is extremely beneficial to our youth who are struggling. I want to make sure that each child understands depression, understands the warning signs, can ask questions, is able to voice their concerns, and understands that it is okay to not be okay. We are all human, and there are going to be trying times in our lives, and there are going to be times that we don't want to go on, but we must be strong enough to push through no matter what life throws at us. I think that if Reed had felt more comfortable with talking about his thoughts and feelings, he would have come and talked to me, or to an adult or friend. It's such a scary thing, but I am going to change that.”
For those looking for support in the Monticello area, call Ann Marie Curry at (850) 519-5054, or contact her via email at annmariemoh@hotmail.com.
There is a program for teens in Tallahassee at Big bend Hospice, where team members meet with teens who struggle with grief and eat pizza and work with them. For more information, call Big Bend Hospice at (850) 878-5310.
There is a Compassionate Friends grief support group that meets monthly in Tallahassee, Fla., and Thomasville, Ga. For more information, call (850) 296-8413.
For those impacted by suicide that are seeking support in the Madison County area, contact Bobbi Sapp at christophersmessage@yahoo.com, or visit Christophersmessage.com.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or ideations, call or text 988 for support. If you or someone you know has acted in self-harm, contact 911 immediately.
“Reed was the sweetest, funniest, most sensitive child I have ever met,” says Curry fondly. “He would cry at the drop of a hat if someone got their feelings hurt or he witnessed someone get hurt. He loved to play baseball, fish and play video games. He was always easy going and laid back, like his daddy, but he loved with his whole, entire heart and soul. I would give anything to bring him back, to change things, but I can't so I will keep his name alive and keep striving to help other children and families.”